Dan ‘the original’ Weller deputising for Rob Wilson #prayforrobbo
Sheppey United -v- Tunbridge Wells (Buildbase FA Vase – Second Round Qualifying)
The scene was set on a crisp, fresh Saturday afternoon, the mood was optimistic until everyone realised that the FA’s alcohol ban was in force, Ites supporters were scaling the walls to get to the Sheerness East club like Greenpeace protesters on a VW car boat.
The game started brightly, 11 red and white warriors ready to take the fight to the visitors from the Kent/Sussex borders.
All the hard work and drills in training paid off around the 10 minute mark when after the ball broke free from hitting the post after a well worked corner Luke Girt fired a 30 yard screamer into the top corner. 1-0 Sheppey, Huzzah!
The match was a free flowing affair after the goal but Sheppey failed to capitalise on the 95% possession (stats not by opta), the twells started to take the game to us in the last 5 or 10 minutes of the first half but a superbly organised and disciplined Sheppey defence snuffed out any threat quicker than Donald Trumps finger at Kim Jong Un’s fireworks party.
The Ites returned to the field getting a warmer welcome than Willmot Browns reappearance in Albert Square.
1 minute into the restart and the visitors equalised. Luck, no skill involved, pure luck. Lucky shot, lucky parry and lucky well taken shot into the luckily placed net. How he could celebrate that goal like someone who’s just received a negative paternity test on the Jeremy Kyle show is beyond me.
The Wells were having it now, the equaliser increasing their confidence more than Wayne Rooney spotting holiday brochures in Coleen’s handbag.
It was all Tunbridge Wells with half an hour to go but the Ites seemed to steel themselves into action like when the A-Team had got themselves locked in a barn by rednecks with nothing more than welding plant and farm machinery.
Penalty to Sheppey!!! Anticipation high, Dan Bradshaw steps up calmer than Whispering Bob Harris on morphine and wrongfoots the keeper to slot one in. Rapturous applause, the sun broke through the clouds and angels seemed to sing his name. 20 minutes to go.
Open ended with ten minutes to go, flashbacks of Barrymore’s pool party
87 minutes and they have the audacity to go and equalise again, offside I reckon. Didn’t see it but it must have been mustn’t it, there’s no way in the world it could have been through skill and/or determination
Heading to extra time – not that you’re interested you probably stopped reading this tosh ages ago, I might start writing about something else completely like a story about some kids that got shipwrecked on an island and have been forced to play cricket against the natives to secure safe passage to the British consulate… “Timmy eyed up the bowler to try and ascertain how the coconut was going to drop, hopefully he’d topspin it on to the inside leg and then Timmy could smash the f00cker halfway to Cuba”. It’s a work in progress but you get the idea.
Apparently it’s gone to extra time, couldn’t tell you if any changes have been made because I was too busy thinking of what would happen if you strapped a piece of buttered toast to a cat’s back and slung it out the window. Probably land on its side is the conclusion I’ve come to.
Suppose I better get back to the football
Christ on a bike, how we haven’t scored is a bigger mystery than anything you’ve ever seen on scooby doo
Extra time, Half Time
Batten down the hatches (see what I did there). Tunbridge Wells are not letting this go.
8 of the queen’s minutes left. Tense. Hope we win it soon, strictly is on tonight. I reckon Aston Merrygold will go far, he’s had a lot of dance training stretching back to his JLS days, should hold him in good stead.
Extra time, full time
No penalties. Bizarre decision, replay on a Tuesday night, just like the last time me and the missus… Well never mind.
Man of the match Luke Girt for that goal in the first half, class